


Field of Emotions

by yepapey



Category: Original Work
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Drabble, Drabble Collection, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotions, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Fluff without Plot, Friendship/Love, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Relationships, Language of Flowers, Mindless Fluff, One-Sided Relationship, Original Fiction, Original Universe, Romantic Friendship, Undecided Relationship(s), foliography
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-14
Updated: 2016-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-08 09:02:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,000
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6848122
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yepapey/pseuds/yepapey
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>some drabbles inspired by language of flowers about feelings</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Clove

**Author's Note:**

> I'm interested in studying language of flower, so I looked for the dictionary someday, and here I got some inspirations. I wrote these drabbles with some of them based of my own experiences and the others are pure from imaginations and I set my mind to write them in exactly in 500 words. enjoy reading!

**Clove ( _Syzygium aromaticum_ )—**

…never once you’ll realize before it was too late, in a good way.

I feel feverish as the foreign feeling flutters inside me, and keeps my heart beats a little faster than usual. Is it normal? Or… maybe I am having a fever? I don’t know. And I don’t really care. All the things that I concerned about are the way you make me keep my mind on you. When at the same time I don’t want to. I really have a fever then, when you keep swirling inside my head.

At first you’re nothing, no one, not even a debris in my life—my narrow and monotone life. Yet, your presence begs to differ, and worms its way through the untangled mess of thread through my solemn and peaceful monotony. You were a constant ring, an absolute mind disease, and I never bothered to seek any solution. You were a steady step, just pacing in my mind leisurely as if you have the right to occupy more than half of my mind. You sat comfortably on the _throne_ I unconsciously built for you, in my mind, and rule my blood through the vein, and took reign of my heart. The last thing I know, I’m no longer the queen of my own heart. I wondered when I did even entrust the realm of my mind to you, but I never knew, god knows since when. You wreck my mind into havoc before I knew what happened, without me allowing _you_ to do so. Yet again, you never ask permission in the first place and I didn’t really mind it.

You demanded attention, you stood in an absolute grace, you stole a piece of my feeling yet I feel like I don’t want you to give it back. You were a tyrant, I dare say, commanding my mind into nothing but you. You stomped your aggression on my mind and didn’t even mind to spare me a time to counter attack. You never asked me for what I felt, since it was useless whether you know how I felt.

And because of that, you never really know what you’ve done to me. Never once did you caress my heart like a prince should, you never ask me whether I feel hurt because the _only_ thing I could do is trapping you in my mind, inside my imagination, not reality. I carry on with that, I’m okay with just that. Yet, I’m hurting when you did very much resemble a tyrant, when you leave after you aimed the land you desired. Or maybe I am the one who are hopeless. Or maybe I am the one who set my hope way too high.

I am not a saint. Like the others, I also _am_ imperfect. I can’t tell my true feeling I have for you since long ago. And I have fallen in love, just like the others...

**— _I have loved you and you have not known it._**


	2. Chrysanthemum

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some drabbles inspired by language of flowers about feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is what I felt about a certain someone, at that time long ago, really

**Chrysanthemum ( _Chrysanthemum_ )—**

…it had never been easy from the start, from the moment I realize what I had in my heart.

I accepted the truth peacefully, and didn’t against it in the slightest. I took it in strides, got along it well, and the things I had were taken care of—by me, by my own prideful heart.

I often try to remember how it feels when we adore someone, cherish the moment we had with the loved one, treasure the feeling we shared, and make precious memory for us to _remember_. I realized that when it became just about _remembering_ , I no longer had the right to do so, or maybe I had, but nothing could make it reverse to the way I want things to be. Cause it is too good to be true, it just too much asking for such a privilege, and it was just a futile attempt to recall whatever good things happened when the reality brought your life back. I realized it was too late for asking another _chance_ to _have_ you _back_.

It once again becomes monotone and as plain as morning cloud. I am no longer _able_ to see you around, I can’t picture you being with me, I can’t quite imagine the things we had would happen one more time… it’s too naïve to think about it. As the time went by, the truth revealed itself that you are no longer here. Your presence is scarce, even the wisp of air can tell as much. You never demand any attention like you used to be, your grace never become a compelling nature anymore, and your absence left too much ruins, it started getting absurd when some time prior you were not as much as a _pixiedust_ —precious and treasured.

Chinese says that chrysanthemum is a royal flower, and so do Japanese people tell that it represents royal family, _throne_ , and _power_ and _authority_. However when the power were vanished, the authority would be questioned—as both of them leave the lone _throne_. It was no longer occupied, and it explains why I feel hollow, because you left. You kept me hanging, slowly brought me up to the cloudy sky, but you never brought me down in a _gentle_ way. It was never that way, and would never _be_. They said what’s done is done, and I can see the logic. But since when did people start connecting the dots between logic and feeling?

I saw you and it tells me so much about reality. You’re smiling, but not for me. You’re laughing, but not with me. The thing that makes me laugh is that you’re crying miserably, and the thing I regretted is that I am not the one who made you cry. Instead it was _me_ who shed some tears because of _you_. I laughed—hard and free, but hollow.

It pains me seeing the truth, it haunts me knowing the truth, and it wounds me dealing with the… ** _—truth._**


	3. Carnation, Pink

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some drabbles inspired by language of flowers about feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have someone I can't forget, up till now

**Carnation, pink ( _Dianthus caryophyllus_ )—**

Letting go isn’t the easiest thing in life. It always leaves pain, it brings misery in its wake, it makes people mourn, and it keeps telling us that something is not in our grasp anymore. Painful it is, but not entirely helpless. Inevitable, because everything in this life always come and go, but it doesn’t mean that _we_ are hopeless. We can make hopes as much as we desire, as crazy as we _are_ , or as dreamy as our _dream_ tends to be—but I never expect too much, never _imagine_ that all of that hopes can be done, can be realized. Remember that expectation and reality sometimes lay on entirely different poles. I can’t afford losing that _much_ , I have only one fragile soul—I don’t want it to be dead the moment I have to move on another different segment of my life. It is as simple as that.

Or maybe, supposed to.

Reminiscing the past is inevitable too, but I can’t let myself dwelling on it just for the sake of the memories—people learn from history, right? Right. So, I taught myself to do that, learn from the past, keep some good memories, treasure some precious remembrances, and forget the bitterness or the pain or whatever that makes me down. _Whatever_.

But you.

You never let me go—or maybe it’s my mind that refused to let go. I’ve never been good at remembering anything in such a long time—I often forget homework, I forget what things I’ve been learnt, I forget reality sometimes, and I _forget_ to forget you most of the times. Ironic. Laughable. Yet, calming, reassuring even. It means that _you_ are precious, the _moments_ I remember sharing with you are precious, the times I spent with you _are_ precious. It can’t be helped—I can’t run from the inevitable, I can’t escape from the things that tend to bound.

Yes I will continue my walks, I will keep going, I will never stop to concern about ‘what ifs’, I will _never_ try to erase you cause I know, and maybe you _know_ , that I can’t. This _is_ stupid, but _this_ stupidity taught me many things, _this_ idiocy makes me smile. I will go through every obstacle, I will defeat each of my weakness, I will win my way—it’s all true, and to be expected, no less. I promised myself to never allow me drowning, to be suffocated by the past, to be sucked hard with the painful clowns called memory, or to be haunted by _nightmares_ about you—or was it a good dream? _Whatever_.

I will survive, I will stand my ground, I will break free, and I will keep telling myself that everything’s gonna be alright—even without you, without your _stupid_ smiles, without your _playful_ words, without your _maddening_ eyes, without your _intoxicating_ laughs, without your _crazy_ quirks—simply without you.

I _will_ move on, but I’ve decided.

**_—I will never forget you._ **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, I literally put all my feelings in this


	4. Forget Me Not

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some drabbles inspired by language of flowers about feelings

**Forget-me-not ( _Myosotis_ )— **

Time, slowly but surely, is passing by. It leaves no trace for everything, leaves no trail for anything, and leaves nothing for no one. Time comes and go as it pleased, nobody can stop it, halt it, deters it even a bit. I am nobody, just get along with it. Until someday…

Until you came to this peaceful life, forced yourself in it—made yourself at home despite the uncertainty, found yourself there against all odds. Like, just being there, didn’t even care about everything. Haughty, as annoying as it sounded to be, you confidently made your way into my mind. Smug even, walked leisurely, head held high, smiled teasingly, you introduce yourself to me. You talked to me as if _you_ knew me long ago—you made me feel like I _knew_ you for years. You made me think about everything that all related to you. Maybe I _am_ sick, but this sickness is all about you.

You stay, for an uncertain time, and anchored yourself beside me. You made a vague presence that I couldn’t predict sometimes, what with you being there but not _actually_ there—it just me who imagining things maybe. I reveled on memories, feeling your presence, imagining that smile—demure at first but teasing so far. You came and then went away like these all meant nothing—and maybe this really meant nothing for _you_ , but this already meant so much for me. You meant world to me, _almost_ , but I knew that these won’t last long.

You met me, chatted with me, smiled for me, laughed with me—but these all were nothing, not even considered as precious as the thing you pursued upon, that thing, I don’t understand up till now. I open up myself, I try to welcome you to my life and I do, and your words poured like heavy rain fall—as I gladly basked in it all. Sometimes I wonder that you really resemble an almighty prince, with that irritating all-knowing look, with not-at-all innocent façade that trapped me blindly.

Did you expect me to forget? Did you want me pretending to not knowing anything after all these things we went through? You _are_ kidding me, cause it _is_ impossible for me to forget, even when I don’t want to entirely remember. You know what I _am_ doing up to this day? I always find a time to recall _you_ , I can’t forget you—I mustn’t forget you. I laughed at myself when I realized that everything I reminisce were all about you being _you_ , effortlessly ruining the constant stream of my life by doing three annoying things.

You came, stay temporarily, and then go.

I allowed you to. I let you go, I set you free, I didn’t want to imprison you although my mind always kept you around. You can run, you can fly, and you can disappear from this vague scenario full of uneven things.

You can leave, but please…

**— _forget me not._**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! I still have many things to write on this work but unfortunately my imagination for this one's going haywire because I have so many idea for another story so... sorry for the late and random update for the upcoming chapters. until then!

**Author's Note:**

> don't blame my imagination, I'm just saying what I felt *peace*


End file.
